Find yourself getting easily offended by the words and actions of others?
Are you quickly irked, miffed or put out?
Do you tut-tut and write angry letters of complaint to newspapers and television stations?
Yes? Get a grip.
Here’s what happens if you find other folk’s behaviour distasteful:
- You get upset, your blood pressure gets raised, you lose a lot of time worrying, and you shave a couple of minutes off your own life.
- Nobody else gives a shit.
Now, IT DOESN’T MATTER what others think, granted, and on top of that, you’re not qualified to determine the thoughts of others, but when you get upset by what other people do, that’s what happens:
YOU get upset. And that’s it.
There are a lot of things in life worth fighting for and getting pissed off about. You can legitimately be offended in the following instances:
- Bob looks you square in the eye and says, “you’re a useless waste of space”.
- Gerald tells you he thinks your kids look like they’ve been dragged through the ugly bush, backwards.
- Ernie borrows 100 dollars and tells you he has no intention of returning it.
- You see your name in a newspaper under the headline “This person is a nonce”. (Of course, you only have the right to be upset if you’re not, in fact, a nonce.)
You may not be offended or put out in the following circumstances:
- Encountering a homosexual, when your religion disapproves. It’s none of your business.
- Overhearing blasphemy, when your religion disapproves. Get over it.
- Seeing a crowd of youngsters smoking in a non-smoking area. (The consequences of getting involved can be harrowing, but it probably serves you right for sticking your nose in.)
- Hearing bad language on the television. Switch it off, don’t write an angry diatribe that nobody cares about.
- When somebody doesn’t adhere to the dress code at the country club.
- When a visitor doesn’t like your curtains. They’re probably only telling it like it is.
If you’re still inclined to take issue with something, because your life is incomplete without drama, then so be it. I’m not here to tell you what to do, you useless waste of space.
You might like to decrease your own stress levels by taking a decision to not be so sensitive in the future. Ask yourself this:
“Was the intention of that person’s actions to cause me offence, or is he just somebody who doesn’t do things the way I do things?”
The answer is normally “no, that person’s intention wasn’t to cause me offence, therefore I won’t get upset.”
On the few occasions that the answer is “actually, yes, I think he did want me take offence”, then don’t take the bait. Smile and nod and say something mildly patronising but largely innocuous.
Don’t give any of those bastards the satisfaction of seeing you upset.
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
I like it. Someone said that no-one can make you feel crap or angry apart from you – its your choice. Live and let live and all that. And other similar cliches.
Sasha @ The Happiness Project London
Very sound advice
Well, the way I figure it, you are welcome to take offense if your religion or belief system says so, but you’re not welcome to pass judgement or offend someone else in case it’s that person’s religion of belief system.
If something contradicts my beliefs, either I get offended or I didn’t hold that belief in the first place. I -do- think homosexuality is wrong; but I don’t think that I am the cure. According to my faith, the homosexuality of others is Gods problem and he has already figured out how he’s going to handle it. No need for input – or acceptance – from me.
Good point, Bill. No need for acceptance is true. And no need for input doubly true. Thanks for stopping by.
No need for acceptance? Oh the arrogance! As if you have the right to “accept” another person. Sexual orientation in every scientific realm has been found to be outside the power of choice. Saying you don’t “accept” it is nothing short of saying you don’t “accept” the color of an individual’s skin. You of course can believe whatever your religions tell you to believe. Heck, I can believe the Earth is flat and the center of the universe, but that doesn’t make it true. Maybe one day people will stop hiding their personal prejudices and insecurities behind the cloak of outdated, ill-informed religious dogmas.
Mark- dudeee follow the advice above…stop getting offended!
strangely satisfying…..need to keep these in mind whenever i feel like clubbing some1 on various parts of their body,thanks
being easily offended can sometimes be supported by the innocence of human nature
the 2 best pieces of advice i ever received was from a therapist. he said, “yes, people push our buttons, but, we are the ones who label those buttons.” and “just because you think or feel it, doesn’t make it true.”
What about when somebody is not intentionally trying to offend you, but they just don’t care if they do? Now I’m not referring to any old Joe you run into on the street or at the bar. I am referring to those in your life whom you have come to expect to care about you. Those whom you care about and have put effort into bringing joy. I feel these are moments that warrant indignation and offense.
Bryan, how many people did you offend today? Or yesterday? Or last week? I never want to offend anyone. Especially the people that I care about. If I’m bringing joy to someone and they don’t care if they offend me, there is something that person is not saying. Maybe, your definition of joy, and their definition of joy, are totally different. You should have an in depth conversation with this person and find out if you are wasting your time.
Good luck Bryan, I hope all your joy is in the right place.
: )
I’m with BRYAN on this one…..There are just jerky people out there in and out of our families that make condescending comments about the restaurants I choose or the way I wear my clothes. Is it not rude to constantly suggest to someone to change their ways?
So are they just telling it like it is? or Is it ok not be critiqued a handful of times per visit?
—–A sensitive one
Everytime when I returned home from work, if my neighbour (who is directly opposite my unit) also happened to returned home, she will slammed her main door really loud. The first time, I thought she has heavy-hand. But it appeared the 2nd and 3rd time, I beginning to think she has some issues towards me, am I too sensitive? I can’t seems to ignore it but of course I did not retaliate by slamming my door. I don’t even know her neither did we greet each other. I mean, I don’t even know this person, why is she being so rude? Am I being overly sensitive here?
This way of thinking is helpful for the obsessed types, however for the non-obsessed types it may just lead to apathy in certain situations. It depends on if doing/saying something will really make a difference or matter. In some situations it won’t in others it does.
Sorry, I’ve got feelings and they tend to leak out.
The problem with telling people to “get over it” is you’re being just as hung up as the people who’re getting upset in the first place. You have a problem with sensitive types? Guess what? That probably means you’re sensitive, too. And waaaaay too hung-up about emotions to tolerate tears, upset, and emotions in general. You’re probably uncomfortable around overly joyous people too.
Bunch of frickin’ crybabies.
I think it’s funny that you say that you aren’t here to tell people what to do, yet you are telling people when they do or do not have the right to be offended. And what moral code are you using here? Who says that what you are saying is true? Maybe someone does have a right to be offended if someone doesn’t adhere to the dress code, or if someone says something that goes against their religion. Who are you to say that they don’t? What makes you right? And it is just your “opinion” and you aren’t trying to tell anyone what to do, then your blog is meaningless. Just sayin’…
Thank u so much 4 that. B sure to read my post.
You go Alecia! AMEN! f u Robin!
Regina,
Why are you saying ‘f u’ to me, while cheering Alicia on, when we both said essentialy the same thing? I’m not offended by your comment, just curious as to your point of view.
There are a lot of offended people commenting on this article on how not to be offended.
Get off your soapbox, loser.