Kill intellectual curiosity and shut yourself off from interesting opportunities by not talking to strangers!
Or, talk to somebody you’ve not spoken to before, enlarge your horizons and open the door to new things by striking up a chat with the next person you see.
Practically it doesn’t always come naturally to start talking to somebody you’ve not met before. You risk being met with a blank silence, with an awkward shuffling away, with the words “I’m sorry, have we met before?”
BIG DEAL!
Here’s how you do it:
- Identify stranger. Stranger may be sitting next to you on an airplane, or waiting in a line with you at the post office, or clinging to a wall at a party, desperate not to talk.
- Smile at stranger. Briefly. Make eye contact. Briefly. Do not grin and not your head enthusiastically.
- Say something. Good things to say include:
- Hello
- How do you know Bob?
- Is anybody sitting here?
- Boy. I’ve had a long day. It’s good to put my feet up. What about you. Have you come far?
- Can you help me? I’m wondering if I should buy the blue or the green dressing gown. My normally excellent dressing-gown taste-radar has gone into melt-down and I’m having trouble choosing.
Slightly riskier things to say include:
- Have you ever seen a dead body?
- Can you hold this large unwrapped block of stinking cheese for forty-five minutes while I go for a jog?
- What’s the square root of 956?
- You look just like my stepmother. She used to beat me.
Then carry on. It will either work out or it won’t. Ask open-ended questions or tell a story.
If it’s not working out, move on. If it is working out, find a way to follow up.
A great way to follow up is to connect people.
“My friend Augustus is really into pre-Byzantine fashion and is looking for a historical dressmaker. I think the two of you would get on. Do you mind if I put you in touch? Do you have an email address?”
“If you’re serious about getting your teeth fixed, let me send you the name of my teenage daughter’s orthodontist. What’s your email address?”
“Gee, I think you’re cute, but I’m married. I have a single friend, though. Let me put you in touch.”
BANG! You’ve just communicated with another human being and there’s one less stranger in the world.
Say goodbye to an old age filled with cats and ready-meals. Say hello to a lifetime of PARTY.4E3C3B4KBHWA
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Love the “Slightly Riskier” Things to Say
I’m just coming out of my “insulated state” after separating from my husband a year ago. I got the courage to go for an hour drive up in the mountains and enjoy a Saturday. Stopped to talk to a Vietnam Vet and learned interesting facts about a memorial along the way. On the way home I stopped at a local tavern and ordered myself a cheeseburger and a beer. Talked to a stranger next to me and found a friend. The next week my car broke down 30 miles from where I lived, so I called my new friend and he helped me find a mechanic in a matter of minutes and had my car fixed… for free. I agree, talk to strangers. You never know what doors they may open.
‘Slightly riskier things to say’ – Have you ever seen a dead body? Hilarious!! I really needed to laugh, and that did it!! Thanks! Loving your humour.
If you select the text there is a hidden code at the end of this article.
Hmmmm, what is the meaning?
JUST DON’T TELL THE FEDS
Fair enough.
How come people are ready to send “friend” requests on a social networking site to random “strangers” but the thought of talking to a stranger gets them all worked up.
Was at the airport, caught in transit and this comes my way…”Hey, I think we are in the same group on LinkedIn…..you seem familiar”…No, I didn’t know her…but we did end up getting connected on LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter…..!
I’d love to ask a cute stranger if he’d like some no-strings-attached sex (I’m female). But just thinking about it feels so pathetic. But I just want the sex!
slightly risky one that i use……
” hi, can i just say that you remind me of my first girlfriend…….she used to beat me with a frying pan while i slept……i didn’t keep sleeping, obviously. Well, except once, but when i came round, she had left me……she had taken the bloody couch”
they will then say something like ” really?”
“no……it was an ice breaker, I’m christian” (hand out to shake)
this may seem a bit scary, but they really dig the sense of humour, try it
A nice article for someone like me, new to the whole dating scene in a big city, trying to find a decent person to make friends with. I would certainly try one of the above mentioned conversation strikers, if only I could let go of my over analyzing and self underestimating thoughts! Any tips on how to do that??
I struggle with the same thing.
Those who excessively self analyze tend be caring, friendly, intuitive.
We try hard to please (or not offend) others by calculating every gesture, word and expression made during a conversation. In doing so we only end up seeming cold and unfeeling or fake, real personalities are often suppressed and little room is left for honesty and sincerity.
Here are a few things anyone can keep in mind as they try to overcome self doubt on a daily basis.
The impression you make is important, but…
1. Make sure your focus is on the right things. What worries you about yourself is probably not important to anyone else; deal with the issues that actually affect other people. As an example your focus should be on: if you were welcoming, did you include everybody in conversation etc, rather than what were wearing, how often you smiled and if you’re absent minded habits are obvious.
People can be judgmental or absolutely carefree and uncritical. You can never really know what they think of you especially at first.
2. Trying to guess is a huge mistake! Don’t!
Acting upon assumptions is natural but unreliable. You could very well draw the wrong conclusions from someone’s behavior toward you. That leads to confusion and mistrust.
If you are actually getting bad vibes from someone, don’t be afraid to ask about it. “Did I just offend you?” Or “That was stupid wasn’t it?” are both honest questions you can ask. That’s part of communication which is the most essential ingredient in any successful relationship.
Here are some basic tips that can be practically applied to help you feel more confident in daily situations involving conversation.
1. Have a plan.
Figure out what your basic greetings and conversation starters are going to be.
Then decide what you are willing to say if the conversation gets more serious.
Of course, you want to leave room for being spontaneous, you don’t want to sound like you are reading from a book. But knowing ahead of time what you are willing to share about your self/ask of others and keeping that in mind, will help you to craft a discussion that is not awkward but meaningful and gracious.
2. Apply your plan in different situations, after a while you may be willing to go beyond your comfort zone, and challenge yourself to new levels. Know what your goals are and work on reaching them!
3. Remember that the things you say/do that torment you days after a discussion, will be forgotten by the participants in a matter of minutes.
4. If you feel uncomfortable making eye contact, don’t try to. While still facing the person you are talking to, find a specific object to look at. While you subconsciously notice every detail of it, you will be putting more of your energy into the discussion itself and no longer worrying so much about how your words sound, or that the person opposite you is seemingly staring right through you.
The more trusting you are of each other, the more you will look at each other. (I can look my sister directly in the eye while we chat for hours, without even thinking about it. it takes time to build up that trust with someone you don’t know very well so don’t expect it immediately.)
Finally, keep in mind that it helps to talk in groups of three-four people. In a group of varying personalities and backgrounds no 1 person is forced to make all the conversation or answer all the questions. Once you have broken the ice and know who you best relate to, it will be easier to spend more time with that person, having met and become acquainted you can begin to see if building a friendship will work.
This is all just advise based on personal experience, I hope some of it is helpful, and that you have success in reaching your goals!
Best regards, Sarah