Here are a few things anyone can keep in mind as they try to overcome self doubt on a daily basis.

The impression you make is important, but…
1. Make sure your focus is on the right things. What worries you about yourself is probably not important to anyone else; deal with the issues that actually affect other people. As an example your focus should be on: if you were welcoming, did you include everybody in conversation etc, rather than what were wearing, how often you smiled and if you’re absent minded habits are obvious.

People can be judgmental or absolutely carefree and uncritical. You can never really know what they think of you especially at first.
2. Trying to guess is a huge mistake! Don’t!
Acting upon assumptions is natural but unreliable. You could very well draw the wrong conclusions from someone’s behavior toward you. That leads to confusion and mistrust.
If you are actually getting bad vibes from someone, don’t be afraid to ask about it. “Did I just offend you?” Or “That was stupid wasn’t it?” are both honest questions you can ask. That’s part of communication which is the most essential ingredient in any successful relationship.

Here are some basic tips that can be practically applied to help you feel more confident in daily situations involving conversation.

1. Have a plan.
Figure out what your basic greetings and conversation starters are going to be.
Then decide what you are willing to say if the conversation gets more serious.
Of course, you want to leave room for being spontaneous, you don’t want to sound like you are reading from a book. But knowing ahead of time what you are willing to share about your self/ask of others and keeping that in mind, will help you to craft a discussion that is not awkward but meaningful and gracious.

2. Apply your plan in different situations, after a while you may be willing to go beyond your comfort zone, and challenge yourself to new levels. Know what your goals are and work on reaching them!

3. Remember that the things you say/do that torment you days after a discussion, will be forgotten by the participants in a matter of minutes.

4. If you feel uncomfortable making eye contact, don’t try to. While still facing the person you are talking to, find a specific object to look at. While you subconsciously notice every detail of it, you will be putting more of your energy into the discussion itself and no longer worrying so much about how your words sound, or that the person opposite you is seemingly staring right through you.
The more trusting you are of each other, the more you will look at each other. (I can look my sister directly in the eye while we chat for hours, without even thinking about it. it takes time to build up that trust with someone you don’t know very well so don’t expect it immediately.)

Finally, keep in mind that it helps to talk in groups of three-four people. In a group of varying personalities and backgrounds no 1 person is forced to make all the conversation or answer all the questions. Once you have broken the ice and know who you best relate to, it will be easier to spend more time with that person, having met and become acquainted you can begin to see if building a friendship will work.

This is all just advise based on personal experience, I hope some of it is helpful, and that you have success in reaching your goals!

Best regards, Sarah

they will then say something like ” really?”
“no……it was an ice breaker, I’m christian” (hand out to shake)

this may seem a bit scary, but they really dig the sense of humour, try it

Hmmmm, what is the meaning?