1. What’s important today won’t matter tomorrow
Yeah, so you got a problem. Sleep on it, sunshine. Put it off. Most problems can be safely ignored. You’ll be amazed how often they sort themselves out.
And the gravity of any given problem is inversely proportional to the hour of the day. At three in the morning, you’ve got an insurmountable issue. After four whisky and cokes at nine in the evening, you haven’t even got an inkling of a problem.
2. Everybody else is furiously improvising, so you can too
Show me an expert and I’ll show you a charlatan. FAKE IT ‘TIL YOU MAKE IT, amigo.
21 year old lifestyle design guru? Hell yeah! Fat, unemployed life-coach? Why not? Homeopathy professional? Whatever, bring it on!
Choose your path, and then Act As If You’re Wearing A Cape.
3. Nobody thinks about you as much as you think about you
Really. They don’t. For example, I’m not thinking about you now. But I bet you are.
4. It’s OK to piss people off
But if you’re pissing everybody off, all the time, it’s time to quit being a fucking asshole.
5. Aspiration is for suckers
(arf)
6. Nobody tells all the truth, all the time
So lower your expectations of people. When put in a spot, people fib.
We men lie about our alcohol consumption all the time.
When we’re young and say we had six beers, we probably only had three. Nowadays, if we say we only had three beers, you can be sure it was closer to six.
It doesn’t mean we don’t love you
7. Life doesn’t get better – only your perception of life improves
There was a little man with a lame left leg. He lived on the outskirts of town in a tumble-down house. He had a hole in his roof, and water would come in day and night. His lame left leg meant he couldn’t go out to work, so he survived on the charity of others, who would give him scraps of food. Sometimes he would go for two days and nights with nothing to eat. One day, the town council decided to fix his roof. The little man with the lame left leg became the happiest person you have ever seen. He was so grateful to be dry that he would smile and sing for the passersby all day long.
***
There was a healthy, beautiful woman who lived in a huge house with six servants and manicured lawns. But alas, she was permanently angry, because Jeannine, that bitch, had told her that her handbag was so last season.
8. Your family comes first, but not to the detriment of everything else
You want to go out with the girls? Tell your husband to make his own dinner. And gents, you don’t need permission for that once-a-year trip to Vegas, you just need to communicate it properly.
9. You’re wrong as often as you’re right
So don’t dwell on either.
10. Men should never wear wigs
Enjoyed this? Buy the book – available at Amazon.com, on The Book Depository (with free international shipping) and on Amazon.co.uk
{ 187 comments… read them below or add one }
← Previous Comments
Great read. I know someone I wish would get #8, ugh!
Men should never perform the comb over either!
Interesting writing. Blessings,
Ron
I disagree, I think life does get better.
Better is simply a conclusion you come to. That conclusion is merely perception, as is everything else for that matter. Better is to the eyes of the beholder, much like beauty. If your perception does not change, then neither will your world view, for better or worse.
What could be better than being a baby? Getting fed and played with all day, getting all the attention in the world, getting rocked to sleep and getting to pull on peoples’ hair without getting in trouble… It’s all downhill from there.
Haha but in all honesty, I think it’s silly to try to definitely say either way. For people who grew up in a peaceful country that enters a bloody civil war, it gets worse. For people who grow up in a slum but go to school and find a loving mate, it gets better. It’s all relative.
Which would indicate that being your perception.. Rule # 7. haha
Great list.
I’d agree with almost all of them…especially “nobody thinks about you as much as you” and that our perceptions improve our lives.
You are entitled to your opinion. Though maybe you should ready #7 again. ‘Life’ is only as ‘good’ as you see it. It’s how you perceive your life. In all your years on this fine Earth we call home, maybe life is getting better for you. There are people who have been here about the same time as you, life for them probably started out good enough and as time passes there life is getting worse.. perception.
So reach down, grab your lemons and make some lemonaid. Cheers!
@ “Life doesn’t get better – only your perception of life improves”
It’s doesn’t necessarily have to be one or the other, it’s both. Life can get better. Although, if your perception remains the same, then it goes un-noticed.
Your example in #7–the man with the lame left leg–isn’t a very good example towards the point you were trying to make. They fixed the hole in his roof, a change directly affecting his life, not his perception.
I completely agree with you except for on the example. His example wasn’t about the man and his roof, it was about the entire cast. The man was happy because his roof was fixed even though he still was poor and had a lame leg. The woman had all she could ever want but was still sad because someone said something bad about her handbag. The example shows that the man perceives his life to be 100x better because of a simple thing like his roof getting fixed while the girl perceives her life as 100x worse because her handbag is lame.
However, your initial statement is completely valid. If I am working at a job I hate for $10/hr and they give me a raise of $15/hr my life got better but only physically. In my head, I still hate my job. I may enjoy the money more but that doesn’t necessarily mean I see my life as “better”.
The term “your life” is a concept created to allow people to do more #3ing. Your life is not a tangible object, in the present moment there is YOU, but your life does not exist without time reference (memories). There is aways LIFE, however, which is ever changing yet never gets better or worse, it just is.
You’d think the use of the world “perspective” would clear this up…
Yes, number 4 is correct!
It’s a damn drag to have to deal with everyone’s feelings. If every one else thinks your funny, doesn’t mean you have to be hilarious for someone who gets offended too quickly.
Downers do not rule the world! They are the maggot feces bringing everyone else down.
speak for yourself.. ass
Great read. Hilarious comments!
Don’t take it so personally, people
Yeah, #8…. They should ask for permission if he has a habit of going to Vegas and forgetting that he’s married…
PS… Great article!
Thanks man, totally needed that.
What do you mean by #5?
Number 7 is perfect. Well, this entire post is.
yeah this is what i’m talking about… away from those “inspirational” quotes… i like the don’t give a fk lifestyle.
Wonderful read. Thoroughly enjoyed.
This was just what the doctor ordered…. It is too easy to latch onto a petty problem and think it is the end of the world.
The forwarded link to the Cape Confidence thing is also a lovely remedy to college student blues too <333
How very true…it’s all about attitude and perception; everything else is negotiable. It’s all in how you see it.
Good list, although I strongly disagree with #2.
Too many people are faking it, but it’s not always clear to others who the fakers are. Dealing with fakers can be costly and potentially dangerous.
You missed the one that says: Don’t drink Tequila after 30. You *will* regret it in the morning.
36 MORE things you should know by now:
http://truthreethings.blogspot.com/2010/06/36-things.html
This is a lot of fun, and there are some spot-on points, but the last one ruins it. Why the hell shouldn’t men wear wigs?
11. Women shouldn’t wear wigs.
Great piece of advise. Thanks.
I donit get the ‘(arf)-part’ though. Please explain.
I even tried Wikipedia for it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ARF
12. Cats should never, ever, ever wear wigs.
Great post.
I really like your style. It’s pure ass kicking
Number eleven: sarcasm, tongue in cheek humor and how not to take either so serious, sheesh
My second husband should read number 4. Over, & over.
1. Sleep on it sunshine! It’s the kind of advice everyone can take.
2. “Fake it until you make it” haha it gives hope to the people who aren’t in professional school or doing something life changing with their career.
6. This is the key to life I think. Realizing that people lie, constantly. It may not be to hurt you but it happens and the way its put here is hilarious.
I LOVE this list. It’s perfect.
I ended up visiting your sight again, being your on my list and this list made smile this morning, I love the way you take life and tell it like it is. Thanks for sharing
I like #7. It´s always up to our approach what we make out of any situation or challenge in our life. There is no such a thing that positive or negative, we create them.
This was just what the doctor ordered…. It is too easy to latch onto a petty problem and think it is the end of the world.
The forwarded link to the Cape Confidence thing is also a lovely remedy to college student blues too <333
Life can make drastic improvements if you make it a point to make that happen.
As much as people should follow this on occasion…it will just make us lazy and useless if we try to live by these…except the last one haha
sexist!!!!
why woman sound so dum in here,
anyways get a grip right…doesn’t matter which sex you are, life is a bitch to all
So true…straight to the point and chock full of emotion that is true to life as we all live it day in and day out….I really liked this one.Good jawb!
This is a ridiculous list. #5 is just fantastic, keep people at their mediocre level and make sure to diminish any dream of people bettering themselves.
I love it! Will definitely check this book out!
I think what you’re saying in #7 doesn’t match the example you gave. In the examples you’re basically saying that money doesn’t necessarily bring happiness, and i see where you’re going with this to say that things are relative. However, if it was all about perception then the man would’ve found a way to accept the hole in his ceiling and be happy about it even if it never got fixed.
Excellent read Matthew. I would probably add one more tip for people whose life suck. You get what you give. Age old I know but 100% true. Before wanting to get something, you should try giving something for free. Just my two cents
This must be the most idiotic advice I have ever come across. It sounds like some moronic Hipster philosophy.
Basically we need to be kind to others,
forgive others where they fail our assigned expectations that they often don’t even know exist,
share and care about others and treat ourselves with respect,
while we draw near to those that bring joy to our lives and
encourage each other to become the best we can be.
Its about developing a mature and respectful character within ourselves and pursue a productive life.
We only get one opportunity in this life. Why spend it judging others and trying to direct others.
Self improvement comes from learning from council, our mistakes and our life experience and pursuing quality within, and not holding too tightly to THINGS.
Not a bad post, its just the only thing i cant agree with is is the first one.
Personal problems, be it financial, emotional, relationships, etc… whatever it is, I personally think the biggest issue people have isn’t the actual problem, but the panicking from the possible upcoming consequences or problem solving itself.
Same why you don’t live off credit until you’re in debt for the remainder of your life.
Same why you cant just “drink away” a flesh wound pissing blood.
Or maybe why you should have just said “sorry, what i meant to say was…” to your now Ex-girlfriend straight away.
…or done that assignment 2 weeks ago instead of passing with a C+ because you had to do it with a hangover.
The only thing you REALLY need, is to improve your problem solving skills, and maybe take a little responsibility for yourself. And suddenly, the little things you gained by avoiding the problem, are meaningless compared to what you’ve gained in the long run. Suddenly, you’re not that much of an underachiever and every other thing you thought was impossible is within your arms reach. Simply because you grew a pair and took things 50% logically, instead of 100% impulsively.
That is so true! The one that is the hardest for me is to piss people off. i’m a people pleaser and have to know that I have to worry about myself, also remembering that no ones thinking about me more than myself. Good article I like it!
Ben Winters
CEO: Teachmeawesome.com
Teaching you awesome…1 day at a time
absolute comedy with hidden wisdom.
;p
← Previous Comments
{ 12 trackbacks }