So, you want to GET MORE DONE in LESS TIME?
Well done you! It’s simple, and I’ll show you how.
Yes – a concrete, actionable, specific step for doing more shit.
You’ve got a MILLION plans for world domination. They include, but aren’t limited to:
- Setting up Minnesota’s first holistic spa for retired race-horses
- Establishing the world’s first organic-knitwear-based telecommunications system
- Writing your soon-to-be bestseller: “Tug of War – a history of military masturbation“
But something keeps getting in the way.
Your plans remain just plans, scribbled down on various bits of paper that end up in various lint-lined pockets, on bedside tables and underneath those self-help books that you read but never implement.
“The problem is,” you say, “the problem is that there aren’t enough hours in the day. What with taking the kids to their golf-lessons and the dog to the dry-cleaners I don’t get a minute to myself. By nine o’clock when the kids are in bed, and I’m exhausted, it’s all I can manage to not fall asleep in front of the TV.”
Yeah yeah yeah. WHATEVER.
So here’s the solution to not falling asleep in front of the TV, and freeing up three hours of time in your day that you didn’t have before, so you can work on your world-beating plans:
THROW OUT THE TV
Seriously, do it NOW. Unplug the TV, put it in a fucking hole in the back garden and never look at it again.
Have you done it yet?
No?
OK, I can wait.
…
Done it now?
Yes?
Good.
(Liar)
…
So here’s the concrete result:
Your free time to work on patenting your veterinary-goose-inflater, forming your Hungarian chopstick orchestra or reverse-engineering the CT scanner has just increased MASSIVELY.
Where you once only had 30 minutes snatched between Wilhelmina’s Peruvian pottery lessons and Rupert’s mixed martial arts, you now have AT LEAST THREE CONTINUOUS HOURS every day to get stuff done between reading their bedtime stories and hitting the sack yourself.
Not convinced? Happy with your downtime? (Because its OK to chillax and do nothing. It’s OK – I mean that. But if it’s incompatible with where you WANT to be, and where you WANT to be is compatible with WHO YOU ARE, then you need to make some changes.)
Think of your epitaph (that’s the stuff they write on your gravestone).
Would you rather:
“Inventor, writer, industrialist, innovator, polyglot and lover”
or
“Knew the names of the girls in America’s Next Top Model”
Yep. Thought so.
So you’ve got this idea that you need more cash.
That’s good.
Cash can buy you ALL SORTS of nice shit. You can go on holiday to exotic places and get drunk with new people. You can skive off work and work on your tan, or make sizeable and soul-saving contributions to charity to atone for the time you spread that rumor about Janice and her younger brother.
But you haven’t got the money yet.
DON’T WORRY! Follow these simple steps and you’ll soon have that elusive “more cash” that you’ve been dreaming off.
1. Work out how much money you need to make.
You probably don’t need millions, unless you’re supporting a debilitating gak addiction, an avaricious ex-wife and a flotilla of eighteenth-century schooners.
To find out how much you need, perform the following exercise:
a) write down how much you’re going to spend
b) add a bit
Bang! There’s your figure.
2. You don’t get rich by saving money, you get rich by making money
“Drop the Starbucks habit”, “brown bag your lunch”, “make your own clothes from banana skins and plastic bags”
You’ve heard all these before. This isn’t advice for making money, this is advice for avoiding starvation.
3. This is how to make money:
Sell stuff for more than you paid for it.
Whatever it is – your time, your barbecue-in-a-box starter kit, your crate of Taiwanese left-footed plimsolls, your body. It doesn’t matter. You sell shit, you win teh dollarz.
4. Luxury is only a luxury if you can afford it.
(or, How To Hold On To Your Money Once You’ve Made It)
If you have to borrow to buy your Gucci dog-collar, or your herb-encrusted Valentino tiara, you are an imbecile. Gucci dog-collars have no place in your home. Your luxury should be a bottle of sherry and the occasional foot massage.
Drop the overpriced rubbish habit. Arrivisme will get you nowhere (arf).
5. It’s all a game.
So don’t take it too seriously.
If all else fails, remember the “money can’t buy you [insert non-tangible asset here]” adage that’s been consoling poor people for years.
Flashing the greenbacks around can get you lots of shit. But it doesn’t get you height, wit or good manners.
You can learn one of those. And the other two don’t matter.
Your effectively managed home and your effectively managed life and your effectively run family and filofax system make you feel good about yourself.
- Nothing ever gets on top of you.
- Every day, you wake up and slip into your morning routine, ticking boxes and adding and subtracting from your to-do list. Your inbox gets to zero, then goes up to fifty, then goes down to zero again.
- Bills are always paid on time because you’ve got a kick-ass “how to pay bills” system. Your credit-card debt has been paid off, and you can afford a couple of meals out each week.
- You’re smug.
Now comes the fun part: the accumulation of monetary wealth.
You’ve got no debts, so you build your slush-fund.
You build your slush fund by:
- Working a little bit longer each day
- Taking on a second job, perhaps in the evenings
- Walking to work instead of taking the bus
- Giving up on some of those small luxuries: meals out, coffees, drinks with friends, gym membership, anything that makes life worth living.
- Sending your kids out to work in a coal-mine
- Murdering your husband for his life-insurance payout
By not taking a holiday, and not going abroad, and not leaving for a phone-free vacation, you can add to your bottom line to the tune of a grand or two a year. AWESOME!
Awesome?
No: sucky.
Gee, hon, I’m really stoked we’ve got our retirement savings up to a comfortable six-figure amount.
Yes, I sure hope we’re alive to spend it.
GO ON VACATION. TAKE A HOLIDAY. SPEND SOME OF YOUR MONEY ON THE KINDS OF THINGS THAT MONEY IS EARNED TO BE SPENT ON.
Give yourself permission to grab your sandals and bermuda shorts and hit the beach, climb a mountain, eat strange foods in strange places.
Ride a donkey.
Have some fun.
You are a slave to your cell-phone. Your mobile is IN CONTROL of you.
In the war of man against machine, man is LOSING.
Your phone does a lot more than just ring when somebody wants to talk to you, right? It beeps when you get a message, it hums when somebody tweets you, it buzzes when you get an email, it gives you a back rub when your tired and fixes you a bloody mary when you’ve got a sore head.
STOP! TURN OFF YOUR MOBILE PHONE.
Before switching your phone off, this is your weekend:
- Get up, beautiful day, decide to go to the park, but first check your emails in bed. BAD IDEA. Long, dirty missive from your boss about your Monday morning deadline.
- Decide you’ll spend the whole day working to appease your employer, who is on the golf course not thinking about you even for a minute.
- Can’t get any work done because your husband calls you every two minutes to help with his supermarket buying decisions.
- Evening comes quickly. Treat yourself to a film and a bottle of wine, and just as you sit down your mother calls “for a chat” and you’re still on the phone half an hour later. Your pizza’s gone cold and your Chablis has gotten warm.
- You get another email from your boss. Can’t sleep for worry.
After switching your phone off, this is your weekend:
- Wake up Saturday, beautiful day, eat breakfast, go to the park, meet friends for lunch, play six rounds of mini-golf and finish it off with lobster and stout.
- Sunday, repeat.
- Monday, get into the office, deal with emails. Deadline wasn’t really a deadline.
“BUT”, I hear you cry. “BUT if I want to enjoy my weekend, I need my friends to be able to get in touch with me, right?”
WRONG
Remember ten years ago, before anybody had a mobile phone? Remember how you used to have fun, and meet friends for lunch, and get stuff done? Well:
IT’S STILL POSSIBLE.
If anything, we were more organized and more efficient when last minute changes of plan and calls for information weren’t possible.
DESTRESS – TURN YOUR PHONE OFF THIS WEEKEND.
